***Disclaimer***I do not condone this behavior. This is simply a new perspective on a difficult issue. Not trying to make excuses for absent fathers (or mothers who fall into this). Plus, this is perspective. Perhaps we should allow for the other side to be considered, if only for one's personal healing, and not so much for the other person.
How could anyone sympathize with a man walking out like that or not being present? Well, let us go back to the battle of the sexes and motherhood.
The mother is the first who experiences or feels that connection to the couple's baby. After birth, there is still a strong neurological connection. Her hormones are heightened, sense of smell, sense of awareness, and other notable changes. The mother has the natural advantage to quickly bond with the child. If you were to take this thought even further, you'd realize that women are already born with all the ovum she'll have in her entire life. The body decides when to release an egg.
Nearly everything a man does has to be done from the outside looking in, if you will. From the act, through the pregnancy. The bond a father has with his child is there from the beginning, but is not always as strong as the mother's. This is also dependent on the connection the father has with her. Chances of him developing that strong bond is limited or hindered if the connection with the mother is limited or hindered, or the relationship dynamic was not originally in favor of children.
Since the man may not have the same amount of connecting or bonding hormones that the mother possesses, consequently, the effort a man makes to bond with his child is his efforts, alone, and not aided by nature. Again, this is not a valid excuse to be absent. Maybe a further look into science was what was needed for further understanding.
The reward does pay off if you will stick with fatherhood.
The effort needs to be made more so on the man's part. Baby showers have been traditionally female focused. He probably won't feel baby kicks, his physical demands won't be met for a while post baby. It'll take years to see whether or not he did a good job as a father. It's difficult if there was no example set before him, or a lack of other examples of what the man need be doing.
Also, from the conversations I've had with fathers of all ages, one consistent theme was, they didn't feel they had any purpose in their child's lives until about age three and up. They were not able to really talk to or understand them. In short, they're annoying until you can reason with them (to an extent). Plus, many felt they were going to break their newborn babies because they are so soft and the man's hands large and rough.
There's more. Men will have to wait years to truly enjoy the benefits of their children. Hours expected to work to care for ungrateful leeches who can't understand what their father actually does. After fathers were pulled from homes to factories or war, their children became ignorant to how vital dad was.
So now,
Imagine if you will, a man who doesn't want to have child but likes a chick enough to sleep with her. Pregnancy. He can't experience any of her feelings. Her friends are happy and she's getting the attention. He'll be expected to cover expenses and get little to nothing out of this annoying tiny human. Add on your personal experience to this basic dead beat dad syndrome equation.
What should one do now at this point? Excuse the behavior?
Hold people accountable but also hold a new perspective to bring healing in your life if you're struggling to understand why he won't stick around, or didn't from the beginning. And yes, I'm sure there's a lot more to the story.
Another perspective...
Why do they start new families? And treat their new families the way they should have treated their first? Why don't They apologize?
Possibly, Ashamed? They know they messed up?
It's hard on both parties. Let's approach all of this with a healthy new perspective. What do fathers need in order to be present from the beginning and stick around for the rest?
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