Crucial Conversations Book Discussion Chapter Four: Learn to Look- "How to notice when safety is at risk"

Chapter Four: Learn to Look: How to notice when safety is as risk.

Major Talking Points: 
1) Social First Aid: Watching for Safety   2) Stay Alert   3) Silence and (Verbal) Violence 


Segment One: Learn to look for when a conversation is turning unhealthy or watch for conditions by "dual proceessing."  3 Basic Conditions: 1) Notice moment a conversation becomes crucial  2) Signs a person feels unsafe  3) Your style under stress and recognizing it. 

Segment Two:  Stay Alert 1) Anticipate entering a tough conversation-Reprogram your mind-Notice  Physical changes: Heart racing, blurred vision, raised voice, silence etc. Realize signs symptoms early on. Go back to "Start with Heart."  2) LOOK for safety problems and signs that people are afraid. Fear response can look like forcing opinion on others or shutting down. 
When a person feels safe they can say anything. "Nothing kills flow of meaning like fear." When you fear not being heard, you push too hard or one shuts down.  

(Not related to the book, When you're a new creation in Christ that fear can  be removed when you are perfected in love) When a person feels safe, they can be given negative feedback and can handle it. 

When you realize there are safety concerns in conversation, be Curious, not angry or frightened. 

Segment Three: Silence and Violence: (Verbal violence or trauma/tearing of the brain.)  Flight or Fight v Silence or Violence. Knowing safety problems so that you can step out, restore safety, return to dialogue. 
Silence in 3 forms, 1 Masking: sarcasm, sugar coating or, couching, 2 Avoid conversation or person, 3 Withdrawing or withholding information
Verbal Violence in 3 forms, 1 Controlling 2 Labeling 3 Attack
Look for your style of dealing with Crucial Conversations by taking their quiz. 

Conclusion: Learn to Look for content and conditions, when things become crucial, safety problems, silence or violence.


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