A Man Surprised is Half Beaten - Thomas Fuller
3 Major Talking Points : 1 Sample From The "Yeah, But" Examples 2 Change Your Life Chapter 12 3 Digital Assistance and Further Teaching Tools.
Segment One: "Yeah, But: Advice For Tough Cases"
Pg 194 -"Yeah, but what if I can't calm down quickly enough? I've been told not to go to bed angry, but sometimes I think I need time alone?" - "What, but what if I don't trust the other person? How am I supposed to deal with that?" And other examples of extreme cases
-1 Example out of 17 that you can read from pages 194-214
-Pg 200 Failed Trust: "I don't know what to do. I'm not sure I can trust this person. He missed an important deadline. Now I wonder if I should trust him again."
-The Danger point: "People often assume that trust is something you have or you don't have...Trust doesn't have to be universally offered. In truth, it's usually offered in degrees and is very topic specific. It also comes in two flavors-motive and ability.
The Solution: "Deal with trust around the issue, not around the person. When it comes to regaining trust in others, don't set the bar too high. Just try to trust them in the moment, not across all issues. You don't have to trust them in everything. To make it safe for yourself in the moment, bring up your concerns. Tentatively STATE what you see happening. 'I get the sense that you're only sharing the good side of your plan. I need to hear the possible risks before I'm comfortable. Is that okay?' If they play games, call them out.
-"Also don't use your mistrust as a club to punish people. If they've earned your mistrust in one area, don't let it bleed over into your overall perception of their character. If you tell yourself a Villain Story that exaggerates others' untrustworthiness, you'll act in ways that help them justify themselves in being even less worthy of your trust. You'll start this self-defeating cycle and get more of what you don't want."
Segment Two: Chapter 12 "Change Your Life: How To Turn Ideas Into Habits
-Pg 215-216 "When it comes to turning our wispy hopes into concrete realities, our success rate is mixed at best."
-What are the chances of improving? : Contributing Factors that Hinder Change : Surprise -Emotion -Scripts
-Surprise: Crucial conversations don't often allow for a time to prepare and come as a surprise - Less predictable and Pg 216 "More often than not, they come as unwelcome surprises."
-Emotion: Pg 217 "Your ability to pull yourself out of the context of a discussion and to focus on the process is inversely proportional to your level of emotion...like it or not, your adrenaline is flowing." -Emotion and Surprise make it difficult to remember new skills.
-Scripts: another enemy of change - Scripts form the foundation of our communication habits making changes nearly impossible. -Predetermined expression leaves us on auto pilot - we are conditioned to know both sides of the script and dialogue.
-What Are Our Chances of Change? :
4 Steps: Master the Content, Master the Skills, Enhance Your Motives, Watch For The Cues
-1) Master the Content: Recognize what works and why, generate new scripts. -Probably will not master all skills in one setting - Do Something - "How To Win Friends and Influence People" Author Dale Carnegie suggests from his book, mastering one chapter at a time - When new to Something it's "preverbal." - You have not discussed material long enough to make part of "functional vocabulary." To move your knowledge next level, read chapter, then Study with someone, talk about it until it's natural. Then teach it to someone to Master Skills
-2) Master The Skills- It's one thing to know or understand a concept, another to say the right word, proper tone, nonverbal actions. The Power of Mental Prep. EX of Vietnam War vet who while in prison mastered his golf swing by mentally practicing and being able to perfect the physical technique - Greater importance now in the doing. -Rehearse with A Friend Pg 222 "Remember, practice doesn't make perfect; perfect practice makes perfect." - Insist that your practice partner hold you to a high Standard. "Make sure you're constantly improving." - Practice on the Fly: Start immediately, to make it safe, pick medium risk type conversation to utilize new skills - Practice training sessions.
-3) Enhance Your Motive: "You must want to change" or care enough to improve seeking opportunities and desire to learn. -How to Motivate yourself when you find yourself in a heated argument? -Apply incentives Pg 223 "When incentives are added results improve daily dramatically...treat yourself to something you wouldn't otherwise enjoy." -Self Improvement is achieved by those motivated by a positive direction. -Apply Disincentives- Pg 224 Stanford Study had participants write checks to an organization they despised and were expected to donate check if they did not complete their goal. "As predicted, subjects did better when they used disincentives." -Go Public- Talk To Your Boss and tell them your plan, ask to have it built into performance review. Pg 224 "Align your personal, family, and organizational goals to a single goal-improving your dialogue skills." -Remember the cost, and focus on Reward. Think "Things" or organize your strategy Pg 225 "Structuring around self control cycles, heightens the power of your stronger motives while lessening the blow of your weaker moments." -Schedule Crucial Conversations when feeling confident, practice, take notes
-4) Build Cues- Watch for cues to overcome Surprise Emotions Scripts - "Old Stimuli generates old responses." -In order to help remind you, place specific makers, such as a red dot someplace that you'll see that will remind you of your new skills. - Set time aside to search for your success and failures around dialogue, when things go great celebrate, when you slip up bring back your training tools - Read reactions or nonverbal cues - Build permanent reminders such as placing a poster of Dialogue Models - Carry a Reminder in your Pocket
Segment Three: A Digital Assistance: Free Online Support. Audio books, Watch Videos Pg 227 "Move your knowledge from the abstract to the concrete as you hear how the theories translate into words and the words build into usable scripts."
-Behavioral Tools- Free Resources to download, practice skills. Print out Role Play Forms, work with a Partner until you master your skills.
-Parting Thoughts: Pg 228 "So we encourage you to pick a relationship. Pick a conversation. Let others know that you're trying to do better, then give it a shot. When you blow it, admit it. And when you succeed, celebrate your success...Help Strengthen organizations, solidify families, heal communities, and shore up nations one person-one crucial conversation- at a time.
Comments
Post a Comment