RECAP From "Master My Stories Part 1 Chapter 6" Last Week's blog podcast: Major Talking Points: 1) How To Gain Control 2) Skills for Mastering Our Stories 3) Analyze Your Story
INTRO : 3 Major Talking Points: 1 Watch for THREE Clever Stories 2 Why We Tell Clever Stories 3 Tell The Rest of The Story
Segment One: Watch For T H R E E Clever Stories-
-We Become good at making Explanations that justify our Behavior making us feel good about ourselves
-Either Story is Healthy and Accurate or Inaccurate and Destructive: "He deserved it, I had not other choice." Creating Silence/Violence "Imaginative and Self Serving Concoctions" : called" CLEVER STORIES ... which Allows us to Feel good about behaving badly"
-T H R E E Clever Stories :
1 Victim Story "It's Not My Fault" makes us innocent sufferers
*If you are victim It is a Sad Fact not story*
When telling Victim Stories we ignore role we play and avoid facts about what we MAY have done or left undone.
2 Villian Story "It's All Your Fault" turning normal humans into bad guys- Assuming their bad motives, telling everyone about their evils.
-Overemphasizing Other's Guilt-ignoring Neutral intention another human may have
-"Labeling" common tactic for Villian Stories-Easier to call someone "Bonehead" than see them as "living Breathing Human"
-Watch For : Double Standards- "Victim" and "Villian" Stories create unfair Characterizations of people
3 Helpless Story "There's Nothing I Can Do"- Fabrications convince us we're powerless and no healthy alternatives for our problem.
-"Helpless stories Look Forward to explain why we can't do anything to change our situation."
-"Helpless stories" stem from Villain Stories (if someone is a "bonehead" easier to accept you can't do anything about situation) hen offers us nothing but "Sucker's Choice" making destructive dialogue (insults/sarcasm).
Segment Two: "Why We Tell ' Clever Stories '"
*Sometimes it does match reality* (Authors state, but not often)
-We tell clever stories because it get's us off the hook-Conviently excuses us from responsiblity when we have been in part responsible.
-"Clever Stories Keep us from accepting our Own Sellouts"...they cause us problems. We still tell them because we need justification for our own selfish actions.
-"you didn't start telling stories until after you failed to do something you know you should have done."-Pg111
-Common SELL OUT Stories that often get overlooked : -"you believe you should help someone but you don't-believe you should listen respectfully but you lash out- you do less work feel you should acknowledge it but you don't- you know you have info a co-worker could use but you keep it to yourself"
"When we don't admit our own mistakes we obsessed about others faults, Are innocent andwe our powerlessness to do anything other than what we're already doing we tell a clever story when we want self justification more than results." Pg112
Segment Three: Tell The Rest of The Story-Final "Master My Story Skill" rather than cLeVeR sToRy opt for Useful Story: Creates emotions that lead to a healthy action-dialogue.
-Clever Stories leave out crucial information about: us, others, our options, details about our feelings
-Best Way to Fill in Missing Details: 1 Victim Into Actor 2 Villian to Human 3 Helpless into the Able
ONE Instead of a Victim You were an ACTOR-"Doesn't mea you had malicious motives. Perhaps...thoughtless omission."
-tell rest of story ADD important Facts to your account: How you really feel EX. exploited worker who isn't fully honest, smiling when asked to do tasks and not telling person but complaing to peers.
-Become aware of how you're minimizing your mistake while exaggerating others'
TWO Villians into Humans: Humanizing otehrs- "Empathy often replaces judgement-accountability replaces self justification."
-Ask humanizing questions-not to excuse bad behavior from others but for US to Deal with our Own Stories and Emotions
-"With experience and maturity we learn to worry less about others intent and more about the effect others actions are having on us."
-Thinking on alternative motivessoftens our emotions in order to relax long enough for Dialogue-Only reliable way of discovering others' motives (Oftetimes their own fears.)
THREE Turn Helpless into the Able-Return to
Original Motives
-Start With Heart: What do I really want for myself, other person, relationships?
-Dual Processing: Make it safe, step out of conversation,
ask how you feel, look for safety cues
-Kill Sucker's Choice Pg 115-"when you refuse to make yourself helpless you're forced to hold yourself accountable for using dialogue skills rather than promoting weakness."
RECAP From "Master My Stories Part 1 Chapter 6" Last Week's blog podcast: Major Talking Points: 1) How To Gain Control 2) Skills for Mastering Our Stories 3) Analyze Your Story
Part 2 major talking points: 1 Watch for THREE Clever Stories 2 Why We Tell Clever Stories 3 Tell The Rest of The Story rather than cLeVeR sToRy opt for Useful Story
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