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"Putting It All Together" Chapter 10 Crucial Conversations book Discussion


For Our Wednesday Business Tech Talks "Communication Works For Those Who Work It"
Youtube Podcast

Major Talking Points: 1 Two Levers to Keep Dialogue Safe 2 A Model For Dialogue
3 The 7 Dialogue Principles

Segment One: The Two Levers 1 - Learn to Look and 2- Make it Safe The best Two Tools to keep dialogue going
-1 Learn to Look - Ask whether you're in or out of dialogue or falling into Silence or Violence then try to get back dialogue Pg: 180 "Are we playing games or are we in dialogue?"
-Get more dialogue training with help of peers, family meetings.
-Reminder, to help people stay in crucial conversation : "I think we've moved away from dialogue." - When you've stepped into violence or silence, important to recognize and take corrective action, "You're right, I am not telling you what needs to be said." - Pg 181
-2 Make It Safe - If you notice safety risks, simple realization, that the challenge now is to make it Safer, most likely you'll improve the circumstances
-You may build Safety by simply asking a question that shows your interest : Apologies, smiles or requesting "Short Breaks" may offer help establishing safety Pg 181: "Do something that makes others comfortable."

Segment Two: "A Model of Dialogue"
Pg 182: "It begins with concentric circles like a 'target' ...the center circle is 'The Pool of Shared Meaning' - center of the target, or the aim of dialogue ... Surrounding the Pool of Shared Meaning is Safety. Safety allows us to share meaning and keep us from moving into Silence or Violence when conversations become crucial, safety must be strong."
-Watch For Games: 6 Silence or Violence Behaviors we use when safety in the dialogue is weak and time to step back from content of conversation, repair safety then step back in. Make sure not to back away from your position watering it down, just rebuild safety as quickly as possible.



-Adding people to the Model: Two Arrows on each side of the "Model of Dialogue Circle". One Arrow is Labeled "Me" and the next is "Other". Both Arrows on the outside point to the center. "Learn To Look" means we watch for when either of these two arrows begin to point upward or downward towards Silence on top or Violence on Bottom.
-Silence: Withdrawing, Avoiding, Masking -Violence: Controlling, Labeling, Attacking.



-If you're drifting to either safety risk - return by going back to
"Start With Heart" : What you do really want and to avoid Sucker's Choice
-Use Master My Story Principle: Retrace your Path of Action
-Watch For 3 Clever Stories telling the Rest of the Story
-When Others Move to Either Safety Risk - Make it Safe by using : STATE My Path we share personal sensitive content using Path to Action - We Share the facts first then "tentatively" share our story - Show sincere interest by encouraging person to Share
-Helping Others Share Their Meaning : "Explore Others' Path" (AMPP) Ask, Mirror, Paraphrase, Prime as needed for them to safely share - if done well it demonstrates their concern can be discussed. Helps to feel safe
-With Both sides in safe dialogue we can "Move To Action" - ensuring how decisions will be made clearly and follow up to ensure the conversation leads to positive Actions And Results

-Segment Three: The 7 Dialogue Principles How To Prepare A Crucial Conversation:
1- Start With Heart -Chapter 3
2- Learn To Look -Chapter 4
3- Make It Safe -Chapter 5
4- Master My Stories (part 2) -Chapter 6
5- STATE My Path -Chapter 7
6-Explore Others' Path -Chapter 8
7-Move To Action -Chapter 9




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