3 Major Talking Points: 1 Defining Abuse 2 How To Stop Being a Victim Mindset 3 Ending the Cycle
Segment One: Defining Abuse- Page 142: "Any treatment that negatively impacts the self-worth of another person." -Psychological, physical, verbal, threats of intimidation tactics, sexual harassment type scenarios.
-From the book "Broken Spirit to Boundless Joy" Pg 73: "...important to note that the brain is a very strong, yet sensitive organ. It is the most complicated organ in the body. But the brain is also easily altered by outside influences. In my case, there was a lot of neurochemistry going on because of the abuse. That can cause changes in the way we think and process things."- Kathy Bates Christian Author.
-Daryle R. Woodward a licensed counselor also shares that abuse can be statements referring to someone as dumb, stupid, idiot. (Curses being spoke over you.) Some say the verbal insults are worse than being hit by hearing the constant negativity.
-What turns a wonderful person into a nasty brute? Some people are pure evil while others Pg 142: Fear of abandonment is often the root cause, according to Joan Winfrey PhD. "Abusers are scared, dependent people, who cling so tightly to their relationships that they often squeeze the life out of them." - Common triggers in men is fear they're losing control.
-"Many [Victims] have such poor self esteem that they feel like they deserve to be treated poorly." - Pg 142. - Many male abusers are "angry me who feel like victims and this is their way of gaining control power by humiliating other people," says Dr. Winfrey, "...Sexual abuse isn't about sex, it's about power and control."
-Portrait of an Abuser (Just a Few Samples): -Observed violence or experienced as a child - chemical dependency - cruel to animals - cynical and judgemental - poor relationship boundaries - unable to apologize - defensive when angered - both manipulative and charming - uses guilt to control
-Victims may try to change their behavior in an attempt to make problem go away. Usually that does not work because that is not te root cause of the problem. Pg 143: "Often the abusers are men and women who were abused as children, and they may never have known another kind of relationship."
-Christian women are prone to nonconfrontational response enduring hardships, submitting, and forgiving. "Never does God say that He expects the wife to suffer at the hands of her husband. "- Pg 145. Husbands are called to love their wives as their own body Ephesians 5:28 "...love your wives, just as Christ loved the church..." Ephesians 5:25.
Segment Two: How to Stop Being a Victim and How to get into the right Mindset - Pray For Inner Healing: ex from beginning of chapter was from a woman who had been assaulted as child by her grandfather. Prayers for healing was imperative and effective for her. Prayers for healing for all aspects of the relationship during all stages.
"Many [Victims] have such poor self esteem that they feel like they deserve to be treated poorly." - Pg 142.
(This next segment is not included in the book.) In order for the cycle to end and for changes to be made, sometimes you will need to get your self esteem boosted. - Battered Women's Syndrome, Trauma, and Changed Brain Chemistry- There is literal brain damage that has occured. Raised cortisol levels, elevated blood pressure, constant state of survival mode, chronic fear, stress, anxiety can create autoimmune disorders. Even after placed in safe environment, your brain and body will takes several months up to years to recover depending on the severity of the abuse. *I'm No Doctor, "But according to my research," Magnesium and Vitamin D 3 improves depression symptoms. Ashwagandha, Lion's Mane, Moringa Leaf, Matcha Green Tea, if you can access any of these to help repair your mind and cognitive function while remaining in a state of prayer and meditation as you determine best course of action.
-Learning prayers, mediation, and breathing techniques may help with improving state of mind and self esteem which needs to be in tact for you to truly believe you are of true value and worth. Believing and Knowing you Deserve Better.
-"A Cry of the Heart" A Survivor of Human Trafficking shares her true story. One incident where she managed to escape, her motivation was due to a newly discovered pregnancy and wanting to survive for her child.
Segment Three: Ending The Cycle-
-Set some Boundaries: Slogan "Refuse Abuse" says Daryle Woodward, "We have to refuse to do it, we have to refuse to accept it."
-You must believe and affirm it as truth. It is the truth. "...I deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. And I refuse to accept that kind of [treatment]."
-Tell Church Leadership: Part of Church is to discipline members, making a pastor aware could help. Possibly could make member undergo treatment. Some churches do offer onsite support groups and classes. "The church could be a powerful instrument to hold abusers responsible and provide safety for victims and children...(with proper training)"
-Prayer For Inner Healing: Throughout entire Process, during the abuse, and when you're in the process of breaking the cycle, and when you're safe from the abuse.
-Insist On Change: Restraining order and spending time in jail may help in some circumstances and in others may not be enough. Possible changes to help deter destructive behavior: giving up controlled substances, and pornography which devalues people in eyes or the viewer. - Christian men with an iron fist ruling need to adjust attitude of "servant leadership" ..."love your wives just as Christ loved the church..." Ephesian 5:25.
-Get Them To Group: couples counseling may not be effective because abuser could outsmart counselor. Dr. Winfrey suggests group therapy "...where [abusive person] wil be with [others] who will hold [them] accountable.
-Don't Rush Reunion: Reconciliation could take time changed behavior may take up to 1-5 years
-Forgive: Bible commands us to forgive- or "Hate the sin not the sinner," reminds Dr. Zeiders
-Consider Counseling: for personal healing
-Think Twice About Reconciling: Sometimes it's too dangerous
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